Are you still out there? I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t. I’ve been gone for entirely too long to expect you to hang around waiting on me. But, in case you did, here are my excuses for my absence:
- I taught at a writing conference in Florida in February. I prepared for it for at least 47 years and then didn’t sleep the entire time I was there. Most of it is a blur, but they did have a delicious dessert bar. I remember that part very clearly.
- I got sick. Chills, high fever, hallucinations, and a trip to the ER were involved. Hannah + Certain Antibiotics I Will be Sure to Never Take Again = Horrible Bad Things.
- The kids got sick. Every kind of disgusting bodily-fluid-producing illness you’ve ever heard of has passed through our house in the last few months. Josh even took care of our first vomiting-off-the-top-bunk scenario of loveliness just a few weeks ago. Fun times.
- I had a baby. This one, to be exact:
- That makes five. Five reasons. Five kids. And five hours I’ve slept since.
(Should I be blogging under these conditions?)
Many of you will see me around town in the next few weeks. My hair might be combed. I might say hello and remember your name. I might even be somewhere on time with all my gaggle in tow.
But DO NOT BE DECEIVED.
It is all a ruse.
I may look put together enough to not frighten your children nor drool on myself, but I, Hannah Hall, DO NOT have it all together. And, just because I have five kids now does NOT mean I know what I’m doing. In fact, I want to make something clear:
I am not Super Mom.
I am, at best, Maybe Sort of Kind of Okay Mom.
I am Eating Chocolate Chips Whilst Hiding in the Pantry Mom.
I am Crying After Overreacting at the Kids Whilst Eating Chocolate Chips Whilst Hiding in the Pantry Mom.
Because I am learning that very quickly and very clearly that I am inadequate for this job of momming five kids.
It’s the truth, plain and simple. Let’s not pretend otherwise.
A friend reminded me of Hebrews 1:3 recently, which says, in part, that Jesus upholds, or sustains, all things by the word of his power.
I have held onto that verse since because it’s good news for me. Maybe for you too. Maybe for any one of us who feel like we lack what it takes to do the assignment we’ve been given.
Because if Jesus sustains all things, then we don’t have to.
Our kids. Our marriages. Our households. Our finances. Our future plans. Jesus upholds it all.
Praise God, it is not on us.
Yes, we have work to do where He’s placed us, but apart from Him, it will not get done.
He sustains all things, remember?
I can’t be at every field trip. I can’t hear every story or kiss every boo boo. I can’t dole out the right discipline or make every moment teachable. I can’t conjure up joy or patience or kindness when I need it. I am deeply, horribly limited.
And it’s very good for my kids to know that.
They need to know that Mommy needs Jesus. They need to know that Jesus upholds and handles and sustains all things, including them. They need to know that they need Jesus too.
What a shame it would be if my kids saw me as having it all together, as Super Mom. They might, foolishly, confuse me for the One who really does Hold It All Together.
They might miss the joy that is releasing all of their cares to Him. They might forgo the rest that comes from trusting Him to handle all things. They might miss the grace that relieves them from pursuing perfection.
Truly, what a shame that would be.
Our life assignments are rarely easy, I’m learning, but remember how Jesus calmed the storm for his terrified friends? He said, “Peace. Be still.”
In other words, “Relax. I’ve got this.”
Take a breather, fellow Non-Super Human. We’re not meant to be perfect. It’s better that we’re not, in fact.
See? I told you it was good news.
Now let’s all go take a nap to celebrate, shall we?