I cried in Barnes and Noble the other night.
I stood there in the children’s section surrounded by Pete’s New Shoes, crayons revolting (The Day the Crayons Quit– a terribly clever book. Check it out!) and about a bazillion Berenstain Bears books and cried.
Now, I don’t normally cry in retail stores, but that night was different. I was holding in my hands yet another example of God’s incredible goodness to me.
It started months and months ago in an off-hand comment made by a four-year-old playing with a worm. His words echoed in my head, took shape in the shower, and turned into a book.
I spent almost as much time playing with every word, every syllable, of that book as I did praying that God would use it for His glory. Sell this book, I told God, and use it to bring you praise. Sell this book, and show people how amazing you are. Sell this book.
I sat on a balcony in Florida, overlooking the Atlantic before me, and paid my way to a writer’s conference that I begged God would not be a mistake. So much money. So many people there pitching books to so few editors. So much potential for rejection.
Just sell this book.
But He didn’t.
No one there wanted the book, nor have they wanted it since. It has died a slow and sad death at the hands of numerous Christian books publishers who don’t care about worms. (Or perhaps it’s just in a coma and will someday awake, but the jury’s still out on that…)
However, I met someone at the conference. It wasn’t as romantic as it sounds.
She, an editor. Me, an untested writer with a book she didn’t want. She killing time asked if I would be interested in work-for-hire. Me not sure what work-for-hire was.
So…sure! Why not?
Tonight, I held the result of that meeting in my hands.
God did not answer as I had asked. He did not sell this book. He took my sorry attempts at bringing Him glory and turned it all around on me. He gave me a book that I didn’t expect in a way I couldn’t have thought up through a meeting I didn’t plan.
It’s just like Him, really.
He is too good to me. He knows my tendency to steal all the credit. He sees my weakness to seek validation from other people. He knew that selling that book wasn’t what I needed. I needed a book that He is the only explanation for.
So He gave me God Bless You and Good Night.
I can’t take credit. I couldn’t brag if I wanted to. I really can’t say much of anything.
God is so good. Says the girl who cries at the back of Barnes and Noble.