Were yesterday a scene from a 1940’s black and white movie, I would have been the character sitting at her typewriter wadding up page after page of doomed story attempt and tossing them over my shoulder—mostly unsuccessfully—into a nearby trashcan.
Everything I attempted to write for this week’s blog felt forced. Or pointless. Or over-opinionated. Like I was a walking example of that verse that I’m pretty sure King Solomon was directing at all the future bloggers and election-year Facebook posters:
“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” (Prov. 18: 2).
And then I went home and collapsed on the couch and cried to Josh that I can’t tell the difference between my real emotions and my hormones anymore and that I’m only 15 weeks pregnant but when people ask how far along I am they all get this googly-eyed and pained expression on their faces when I answer and then they say something like, “Oh, umm, well…hang in there.”
And then they walk away relieved that they’re not me—the one dragging the 18 month-old with the high-pitched shriek and the four-year-old bowling ball through the grocery store.
And then since I’m already moaning, it might be a good time to mention how dadgum tired I am. If I don’t take a nap in the morning, I require a solid two-hour rest period in the afternoon. And then I’m still ready for bed again by about 8:30pm.
At least, I think to myself, Josh will come to bed after me and see me sleeping and think how lovely and pregnant-glowy I am as I rest there. But I foolishly asked him the other day what time he came to bed because goodness me I must have been exhausted and did he notice how peaceful I looked? Yes, he did notice and his exact words were, “Yeah, you were out cold. You were like an old sea witch in drunken stupor.”
He’s so gentle and sensitive.
And so while I want to write inspiring, beautiful blog posts that you can’t help but share with the world because “that Hannah Hall is so terrific and amazing and how does she manage to do it all and look gorgeous while she sleeps?” I want you to know the truth.
- I do not look gorgeous while I sleep. Ask Josh.
- I cannot do it all. I quit a very good thing this week. I mean, it wasn’t good that I quit. It was something good and wonderful and meant for good things that I had to quit because something in my life had to go.
I’ve not been a been able to keep my house clean. I know that’s not that important in the grand scheme, but for a housewife, it is considered a pretty reasonable expectation. But ask me how long I’ve known that someone—presumably a dog—vomited on the corner of the rug in our bedroom and I still haven’t cleaned it up yet. (It blends in quite well and I’m already having difficulty bending over.) Then again, don’t ask me because I’m doing a science experiment to see which happens first. 1.) It evaporates 2.) Josh notices and cleans it up and/or 3.) Jesus returns.
I’m betting on 3.
The point is, I hate being a quitter, but I needed to be realistic with the time, energy, and other commitments I already have. Because someone—presumably me—should clean up the barf.
- Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 12:28).
And then on another occasion when some folks asked him what they needed to do to do the work God requires (In other words, “What more do I need to do to please God and win his love and secure my salvation because surely it can’t rest on Grace alone? Surely I need to add another good thing to my schedule to impress him…) Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent” (John 6:28,29).
So in all of my scrambling to be better and moaning that I’m tired and can’t do it all and racing to try to add more in to see how much I can fit, Jesus has his own list for me:
- Stop all this scrambling to impress.
- Believe in Me.
- Rest in my unconditional, unchanging, unfailing love for you.
It’s so simple, isn’t it? Why do I try it make it so much harder than it is? Why would I want to make it harder?
Rest in His love, then repeat, repeat, and repeat some more.
Let’s do it together this week and what happens, eh?
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” (Zeph. 3:17).
*Oh, I almost forgot! Book giveaway time! God Bless My Friends is out and ready to be in the hands of your sweet toddler.
Leave a comment below to win. Just say hello or, better yet, tell me what you’re reading right now. I’m in the mood for a new book. Also, new subscribers and people who offer to come clean my house will be entered twice! Winner announced next post!