Something has been bothering me since Sunday.
We sang a song in worship that morning that I still can’t quite reconcile. I tried to sing it like I meant it, but the words stuck and soured.
It said:
I believe You’re my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my Portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus You’re all I need
And that’s where my worship fizzled out.
I just couldn’t do it. Not honestly anyway.
I’m just not sure it’s true.
Is Jesus really more than enough for me? Really all that I need?
Is he?
I’m not so sure sometimes.
~
Jesus has been showing up in Josh’s office a lot lately.
Random portraits of him surface and then disappear. For a while, one of them hung right behind his desk, which seemed an odd thing to walk in to since the wall opposite featured a list of Dwight Schrute quotes. (Like this gem, “Before I do anything, I ask myself, “Would an idiot do that?” and if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.”)
But then that Jesus disappeared, and, just as randomly, this one materialized in its place:
He claims he has no idea where it came from.
It’s funny, these random Jesus sightings. Not because we think Jesus is funny, but because something about these pictures feels odd in Josh’s office. This soft-haired, sparkly-white-robed, serene-faced fella hanging out by some rose bushes and a clock just doesn’t seem quite right. Something is off.
That something is possibly the reason why I’ve often struggled with Jesus over the years. And I don’t want that. I want to love Jesus more. I want him to be all I need.
But he isn’t always. Or hasn’t been.
And I need to figure out why.
Because until I do, I suspect I will always be a little off.
Speaking of off, I have included this photo for your viewing pleasure. I will not attempt to explain the context, but it was funny. And, for Josh’s sake, it is my sincere hope that God found it funny as well.
A year or so ago, I stumbled upon a passage in Isaiah that made me nearly squeal with joy. I might have gone ahead and squealed, but it was early and the kiddos were still asleep and outside of Jesus showing up in the flesh in my living room, there is absolutely no good reason to threaten that kind of quiet.
It reads:
“Who is this who comes from Edom,
in crimsoned garments from Bozrah,
he who is splendid in his apparel,
marching in the greatness of his strength?
It is I, speaking in righteousness, mighty to save.”
Isaiah 63:1
The context of this passage is looking-ahead to when the Messiah returns and declares victory for God’s people over its ruthless enemies, namely the Biblical city Edom and its capital, Bozrah.
As for me, this passage pictures Jesus so differently from the flower-sniffing Jesus in the garden or the placid-faced, pretty-haired guy peering over Josh’s shoulder in his office that I almost have to do a double take.
This is Jesus?
I like this Jesus.
I could fall in love with this Jesus.
~
Really, misunderstanding who Jesus is is not an uncommon problem, but it’s also not one that I can blame on anyone but myself.
If I have turned to anything other than the Word for the final authority on Jesus’ true character, then I have set myself up for disappointment. The Bible is clear on who he is, and it is absolutely not disappointing.
There are no passages in scripture about Jesus hanging out in rosebushes (or telling time), but there are places—like this one in Isaiah—that have him dressed in battle-stained clothing, warring and winning against evil. This is a Jesus of justice.
Nor does he watch us timidly from afar. Instead, Jesus “lives always to intercede” for us before God (Heb. 7:25). This is a Jesus of mercy and action. A Jesus who is at work on our behalf right this very minute.
This Jesus surrounded himself with the yucky, the welfare cases and the losers (Mark 2:13-17). He loved the small and unimportant and cared for the growling tummies of little children (Mark 5:35-43). He initiated rule-breaking when it was necessary (Mark 2:23-27), and spoke boldly on Truth when it was in question (John 8:31-32).
He left no doubts about who he was or how we attain salvation (John 8:24b, 14:6)
This is the True Jesus.
I don’t need the Jesus our world tries to picture. I need the Jesus the Bible tells me spilled his own blood out of love for me.
So I’m working on it, friends, and praying daily that God will help me love him more.
Will you too?
Let’s stop settling for the guy picking roses.
Because the True Jesus is more than enough. The True Jesus is a God worth falling in love with.
Yes, yes, yes!!! He CERTAINLY is!!! Thanks for reminding me of that, Hannah. I needed that today. I love those verses that you shared. I’ll add one of my favorites: Psalm 45. Blessings, my friend!
Thank you, sweet Laura. Your encouragement always come at the right time. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes, he is enought!!! Thank you, for sharing your heart and for the reminders that he is… A friend was a great encouragement to me, she said, Andrea sometimes God allows us to go through hard things so others can see God’s Love. Not see us, but God and what he is doing. He is our healer, he is all we need, he is enough. When we feel like he is so far away… It’s amazing how he shows up.
Somedays it is so hard to believe that he is more than enough. It just doesn’t seem possible when everything in our flesh and around us says, “You need this, this and this to be happy.” This is why faith is not easy–trusting in the sufficiency of someone we cannot see is hard. But that’s when we trust the Word and not our feelings. My “feelings” about God can be very, very dangerous. And they change so much…He never does. Thanks for sharing, Andrea.
Hannah, this something that I have struggled with and still do. I cried when I read this yesterday, and then came back and read it again today. Is God more than enough…..Never would I have thought that I’d be almost 44 and be single, single and not married and have no hopes of having kids of my own(something that I’d give anything for). I quit my job as a Paramedic and took care of my godly mom until he took her home, I’ve seen many friends who were like family move away from me. These are all things that I cherished, I struggle with loneliness so much on a daily basis. So, I struggle a lot with, Is God more than enough when the loneliness takes over. I know that He is enough, but my mind keeps thinking, I need a husband, kids, and my family and friends close by and my momma back….Is God enough, I know He is, but sometimes, my brain just doesn’t agree with my heart! Thank you for your encouraging blog! I am proud of you, Cousin! My mom and our granny would have loved to read this blog! Hope you have a wonderful sweet day!
Annette, thanks so much for sharing your heart. I struggled to post this one because I didn’t want to admit to people how difficult it is for me to trust that Christ is enough. So I really appreciate your honesty. Have you read the book, “Disciples of a Godly Woman?” It has such a great chapter on singleness and what a blessing it can be. I know it doesn’t feel that way sometimes (or perhaps much of the time), but I admit that the freedom of not having a household to care for sounds wonderful some days. And some of my friends without kids are the greatest blessings to me. God is using you right where you are. If for nothing else than to encourage me. So thank you, Annette.
Thank you for your response, Hannah. No I haven’t read that book, I will look for it. I have been very blessed to be a blessed to many of my friends who have kids. My closest one (whom I loved like a sister) that brought me the most happiness moved to Florida 1 1/2 years ago. I try to alway look for ways to encourage and that helps me a lot…..but many times the stillness in my life wishes to be loved. I still have a household to run, but just not one with kids in it. Thank you again for your honesty that you share in your blog. I know that I have sent many here to read your words of wisdom of encouragement and conviction!